Being a single person isn’t a bad thing, despite how many people might suggest that it is. In fact, it is a wonderful opportunity to explore who you are and what you enjoy.
One of the all-time, big myths we have been taught by Hollywood and Nashville is that you need another person to “complete you.” In fact it is just the opposite. A really good relationship requires both of you to be complete people, individually.
Even while you are looking for a life partner, being single is a golden opportunity to learn to appreciate all of the good things about you and to fill in a few missing pieces. (We all have some.)
Being a successful single means getting to the place where you are happy with who you are, and it is one of the best gifts you can give yourself.
Do
Do love yourself
How can you expect someone else to love you if you don’t love yourself? An important step is to be aware of what you don’t love about yourself.
Is it something you want to change or is it something you need to learn to accept in yourself? The more you accept yourself, the more fully you can understand and accept others.
Do learn to be comfortable being alone
Being alone does not mean you are lonely. Alone time gives you the time and space to connect with your thoughts, feelings, and emotions, especially those about what you really want from yourself and from your life.
You have to find inner peace and learn to enjoy your own company. After all, if you don’t like being with you, why would someone else?
Do have a vision for your ideal life
Jack Canfield, author of the Chicken Soup For the Soul series, says that “visualization, that is creating in your mind vivid and compelling pictures of what you want, may be the most underutilized success tool because it greatly accelerates the achievement of any success.”
What do you want your life to be like in 10 years? Where do you want to be living? What will your house look like? What work will you be doing? How do you want to improve yourself? Create a vision for a life you are excited to live, and perhaps you will someday find someone who is excited to share that life with you—but it starts with you.
Do say ‘no’ to what you do not want
To get what you really want in a relationship, you have to be willing to let go of the people and situations that are not quite right for you. You sure don’t want to be in a so-so relationship and miss the right one because you were not available.
Do show gratitude for all of the good things in your life
Be grateful for the big and the small. A highly effective thing to do is to keep a gratitude journal. Every day write five things you are grateful for. You’ll be amazed at the positive effect that will have on your attitude and how it will draw more good things to you, and good things out of you.
Don’t
Do not put your life on hold
Don’t put off doing things you dream of doing until the right person comes along. Let’s imagine you’d like to learn to ski and are waiting to share that with your new partner. What will happen if your “soul-mate” has a problem with altitudes?
You don’t need someone else to live your life’s vision and purpose. The best way to find your life partner is to be a happy single person living the life you really want.
Do not listen to those pressuring you to date
You might get it from friends, family, people you just met, or from all sides: a lot of folks think you need to get moving and find a nice wife, or a good husband—especially you, ladies, “The clock is ticking!”
No! Don’t listen to them. The pressure doesn’t help, and most of the time they don’t know what’s best for you—they just know the stereotypes society subscribes to when it comes to finding a boyfriend or girlfriend, or a husband or wife.
Be the single person you want to be, first, so that if you do find someone you’re crazy about, you can be a happy individual in a mutually confident and caring relationship.
Do not be reckless
When confidence and a sense of freedom join together in a single person’s mind, some people go overboard in any number of things. They might start living the fast life, taking greater risks, and throwing caution to the wind. Just take care of yourself.
Don’t get me wrong: be confident. Enjoy the freedom to be yourself and do what you love, but don’t be reckless. Something might seem harmless at first, but it can easily go wrong and seriously hurt you, or haunt you, or damage your reputation in such a way that someone you deeply love and respect doesn’t feel the same about you because of something you did.
Do not start dating too fast
Of course, you want to go out and have a good time. Go for it. But don’t start dating until you are ready to start looking for a partner. Once you or the other person feel like you are dating, it changes expectations and the dynamics. You should make it clear that you are just having a good time and not ready for a relationship. It’s usually best to do things with two or more others so there is no room for confusion unless it is very clear that you are just friends.
Do not look for someone else to make you happy
If you are not happy with who you are, you won’t find happiness in a long-term relationship. You have to be happy with who you are on the inside, and happy with the way you look at life and other people. No one can do that for you.
Summary
Being a successful single is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. It is having the mindset that you deserve to be happy whether you are single or in a relationship. It’s also an important ingredient in a successful long-term relationship.
